Filed under Jokes
A Priest, a Minister and a Rabbi
A priest, a minister, and a rabbi want to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”
“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”
They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
Crime and Punishment
A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?” The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.”
A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb- blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet.
“What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology.
“You keep out of this!” she yells. “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”
New Lease on Life
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle- aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. “Will I die?” she asks.
God says, “No. You have 30 more years to live.”
With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great!
The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed.
Up in heaven, she sees God. “You said I had 30 more years to live,” she complains. “That’s true,” says God.
“So what happened?”
God shrugs. “I didn’t recognize you.”
Vow of Silence
Every ten years, the monks in the monastery are allowed to break their vow of silence to speak two words. Ten years go by and it’s one monk’s first chance. He thinks for a second before saying, “Food bad.”
Ten years later, he says, “Bed hard.”
It’s the big day, a decade later. He gives the head monk a long stare and says, “I quit.”
“I’m not surprised,” the head monk says. “You’ve been complaining ever since you got here.”
A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.
“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.
“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “Okay, now what?”
Power of Perception
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
A man is walking in a graveyard when he hears the Third Symphony played backward. When it’s over, the Second Symphony starts playing, also backward, and then the First. “What’s going on?” he asks a cemetery worker. “It’s Beethoven,” says the worker. “He’s decomposing.”
A Dog’s Life
A poodle and a collie are walking together when the poodle suddenly unloads on his friend. “My life is a mess,” he says. “My owner is mean, my girlfriend ran away with a schnauzer, and I’m as jittery as a cat.”
“Why don’t you go see a psychiatrist?” suggests the collie.
“I can’t,” says the poodle. “I’m not allowed on the couch.”
Filed under Jokes
Some random one-liners for fun:
1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
4. Work is fine if it doesn’t take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way you’re in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train.
7. Born free, taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don’t have film.
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
11. It’s not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
12. I love being a writer……what I can’t stand is the paperwork.
13. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
14. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
15. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
16. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
17. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
18. Beat the 5 O’clock rush, leave work at noon!
19. If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
20. It’s not the fall that kills you. It’s the sudden stop at the end.
21. I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
22. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. – Cunino’s Law of Burnt Fingers
23. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
24. Someday is not a day of the week
25. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
26. To err is human; to forgive is not a Company policy.
27. The road to success……Is always under construction.
28. Alcohol doesn’t solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
29. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don’t need it.
……and here’s the best of the lot
30. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or in love with someone else.
Filed under General
Please be noted that Rags ‘n Ram will be down for scheduled maintenance over the weekend. So if you head over here and end up getting error messages, don’t give up; you can come again the next day or few hours later!
The expected Interruption hours: 5 – 9 hours (or more)
9.00PM onwards (Malaysian time), 28 Feb 2010
6.00AM onwards (Malaysian time), 1 March 2010
Tags: Rags n Ram
What is the greatest asset of the Nokia N86 8MP? Well, the name tells it all; yes, it’s the mighty 8 Mega-pixel camera. It might not sound so great now in 2010 with the coming of SE Aino and Satio, but this same time last year, the Nokia N86 was the King in the game.
Since the camera is the biggest and most important feature on the phone, I’d cover that first, in a series of posts, on various and different aspects of photography. Side note; thanks to WOMWorld/Nokia!
Going Scenic with Nokia N86
Today, we’ll look into Landscape Photography taken by the phone outdoors and indoors. To put the wide-angle lens to test, I had the Petronas Twin Towers (KLCC), one of the tallest buildings in the world, in mind; so here we go, some shots for your pleasure. Note how well the photos turned out!
My original gallery’s on Flickr
This is the first released image of the hybrid Proton Concept Car, designed by the Italdesign Giugiaro studio, and is said to preview a production model, placed below the Savvy.
For now, there is no official name for the car yet, it’s simply called as “Proton Concept Car”. Our beloved ex-PM Tun Dr Mahathir Mohamad will be in Geneva to launch the car.
According to Paultan.org, here are the released details so far:
* The concept car will have 5 doors and will seat 4.
* It is 3,550 mm in length, which is approximately a good half a meter longer than the Toyota iQ but shorter than the Proton Savvy.
* The four seats will be independently adjustable and slideable.
* The car will use a series hybrid drive. A combustion engine will be mounted at the front and will be used only to recharge lithium ion batteries.
* The lithium ion batteries will drive the motor that moves the car.
* It uses a special chassis with a raise floor that allows installation of the regular combustion engine at the front and batteries in the rear
* According to Italdesign chairman Giorgetto Giugiaro, the car was designed to offer interior spaciousness of a D-segment car with the exterior dimensions of an A-segment car.
* The hip point is designed to be at just the right natural and ergonomic height – you do not get down into the car like a short sedan or “climb” up into the car like an SUV.
Hawt! [Note: Heavy images]
That’s all I can say for now, this thing is smokin’ hot, seriously. The Audi RS 5, slated to be announced shown next month in Geneva, was leaked released a few days ago (unintentionally of course) by the agency who’s probably doing or printing the consumer catalog.
No other details could be gathered, except that The RS5 is powered by a naturally aspirated 4.2-litre V8 with 450bhp and 430 Nm. Also, there seems to be lack of a manual option; Audi’s 7 speed S-tronic auto transmission is the standard. More specs to come in another separate post.
More images here.
Here are some preview details of the OS, since the finalised version (and its specs) would only be released after 31 March 2010:
* Multiple homescreens (3) – YAY. One main, one work, one play.
* 6 widget spaces (18 TOTAL)
* Seems to have some nice transitions (hope we actually do see it in a handset unlike the N97 video)
* 3D accelerated Coverflow with NokiaPhotoViewer/Iris style graphics
* Fast flip scrolling (hopefully smooth too with no juttering ANYWHERE)
* Single tap everywhere in UI (death to unecessary double tapping!)
* MULTITOUCH PINCH AND ZOOM! Ah, will shut up a lot of people who ignore a phone simply because it has no pinch and zoom. Hope we see it in browser.
* VISUAL MULTITASKING! Actual real live windows not icons! At the moment resembles Palm’s cards rather than Maemo’s multitasking windows, i.e. linear large windows as opposed to grid view (prefer the latter), and many more.
Nokia may be almost 3 years late in achieving this (you all know of whom I’m comparing to), but then again, better late then never
Watch the preview video below to see more:
And head over to Symbian ^3‘s Wiki site to read more.
How would you like to own a 50” or an 80” TV for less than RM1,000? Well that sounds too skeptical I know, but the truth is, there’s always an alternative in this fast moving technology-driven world.
The iTVGoggles shown above is one of the coolest eye accessories around that allows you to simulate 50” and 80” television, and it even support 3D movies.
Unfortunately, the goggles only supports one viewer at any single time; which means you can now enjoy your favourite 3D movies on your personal DVD players, Nintendo Wii, Xbox, iPod videos and DVR recorders.
The iTVGoggles comes with stereo ear buds, light shield and a battery that can last for 4-5 hours on a single charge.
Filed under Tech
It finally arrived after all the hassle with the Sirim AP and Customs holding back for over 2 weeks, and boy, it’s made me really excited.
Expect a time-to-time review soon!